{Looking Back} Good 'Ole Writing Assignments

Today, I'm going to treat you all to something very amusing. :)

Writing assignments from the long past.

They can be pretty funny, ya' know. Or embarrassing...or somewhere in between. :)

WEASELS             Weasels are long and skinny with short legs.  They have brown fur covering their bodies and white fur on their bellies.  In the winter all of their fur turns completely white.            Weasels can be found all over North America.  They also live in Europe, South America, North Africa, and Asia.            Weasels like to eat mice, rats, birds, and rabbits.  They are nocturnal so they hunt at night.

Weasels, folks. Cause I know you all wanted to learn more about weasels. Apparently my ten-year old self did! I can't even imagine how much work I put into those seven sentences. I don't even remember writing this, though! All my hard work apparently wasn't very memorable.

Dear Grandpa,                                                                                                                       
          I am enjoying learning how to play volleyball! I am getting much better at bumping it over the net. Would you like to learn how to execute the basic skill of bumping a volleyball? You will only need three things a volleyball and two arms.          First, find an open area outside to do this! Grandmas do not like broken windows!! Next, practice tossing the ball straight up, approximately three feet above your head. After practicing this several times move on to the next step. Bend your knees, straighten your back, and put your arms at an angle down in front of you. Make a fist with one hand, your thumb should be sticking up, and clasp your second hand around your fist.  Now your thumbs should be sticking up side-by-side on top your fist. Do you kind of get the feel of it?          Now, throw the ball up into the air as you did earlier, and quickly get back into the position you just worked on. As the ball comes down to your level come up with your knees, and bump it with your forearms. It’s OK if you don’t hit it correctly the first time just try again!          Finally, remember practice makes perfect! Maybe after you have practiced a little bit we can bump a volleyball to each other! I think that would be a lot of fun!

That would be eleven years old. My mom used to send all our papers to our grandpa to grade (because it's hard to be the one who helps edit and then grades). That must have been writing instructions.

Once upon a time Old Farmer Pickett was suddenly afflicted with a detrimental illness. Being a good husband and father, he wished for his family to flourish off the farm, he had so carefully husbanded  for uncountable years. However, Old Farmer Pickett was concerned because his lackadaisical sons were not hardworkers and after his death might not keep his farm thriving or support their mother. With his dying breath he weakly summoned his sons and whispered to them, “ There… is treasure…. In………..field.” Greedily, after their father’s death, Mickett, Nickett, and Lickett dug frantically in the field. After a week of digging Mickett, Nickett, and Lickett, who were embittered, trudged back home with no treasure. Later that year, all the “plowing” that had been done to the field showed results, a healthy thriving crop cloaked the land. Mickett, Nickett, Lickett, and their mother Polly all survived comfortably. Only later did Mickett, Nickett, and Lickett realize the real treasure was the fruit of their labor.

 Not sure when I wrote that one, but I specifically remember it. The colors on words were our code for strong verbs, quality adjectives, etc. Reading that, you can tell, I've always had a taste for the dramatic!

Dido, who was a princess, was also pulchritudinous and sensible. After fleeing Tyre with her people, Dido and her subjects found themselves in North Africa. They were resolved to start a trading city. Searching this new country, Dido and her people encountered suitable land. Because Dido was a very clever princess, she accosted the owner of the land and asked him if she could purchase as much land as could be engulfed with a bull’s hide. Normally, not much land could be covered with a bull’s hide, so the owner willingly agreed! As mentioned before, Dido was as intelligent as she was lovely. She had an idea. With razor-sharp knives, Dido and her ladies-in-waiting, sliced the bull’s hide into thin strips. Laying the lengthy rope end-to-end, the bull’s hide enclosed a colossal amount of land. Reluctantly, the defeated owner sold the property to Dido. A gigantic tower was constructed on the land; later, a city was built. It was named Carthage. As time passed, Carthage became the reality of Dido’s dream, an influential trading city.

There's twelve years old. How did I write that stuff? "Pulchritudinous"?? WHAT? I think I was on a major thesaurus kick. Oh, my word. *shakes head* That's embarrassing.

 Adventures on the Horizon             The Smith family was ready to leave. Unfortunately, they had been forced to run as refugees from their hometown. Rampaging, an evil group of koala bears and jerboas had banded together and begun recklessly sweeping over the country. They left only havoc. As they reached cities, they released a compound of concentrated gluten and refined sugar into the air, a special substance that because of its dangerous ingredients left its victims dead. Throughout the whole country, Oregon and California were the only safe havens. The sap of the giant redwoods would be spread in a perimeter to ward-off the fiercesome hoard. The Smith’s were the only family to escape the hostile attacks on their village. The must flee to hope and safety.            After traveling for many days, Larry Smith, who was nine years old, spotted a herd of koalas and jerboas on the horizon.            “Look!” He shouted, using a very over used cliché, “They’re hot on our heels!”            “We must hurry and cross the swollen river. They will not endeavor to follow us at the risk of drowning”, his father replied.            Dragging the two younger children, the Smiths loaded the wagon and embarked on a wild ride to get to the river. As they started to cross, the horses were pulled downstream by the current grabbing current! The wagon nearly toppled. Mr. Smith jumped out to aid the horses, as they fought hard against the water. Mrs. Smith desperately tried to hold the reigns and comfort her youngest children. They were frightened. They were thrown about. They were jostled. Finally, the opposite side of the river was reached. The koalas and jerboas stood on the opposite bank staring at the prey that had slipped out of their hands.            The Smith’s were safe out of the water. They were dripping wet. They were terribly exhausted because of their perilous ordeal. They were as shaken as a baby rattle. Mrs. Smith, who had undergone a trying half-hour let out a wail, “Oh my NERVES! No one knows what I suffer! Bring me my smelling salts! QUICK!”Hearing their mother break down, the younger two Smiths collapsed in sobs. The nervous tension was too much for them.
            Larry Smith suggested, “Father, why don’t we play ring-around-the-rosy to soothe them?”Reviving Mrs. Smith, the whole family gathered in a couple of rousing games of ring-around-the-rosy. They were safe for the present, but soon they must continue on their journey. Fortunately, two dangers had been avoided, but their adventures were just beginning.

Sorry, that's a long one, but I had to share. I think I wrote that 3-4 ish years ago. I was bored writing with only my mom to grade, so I started getting...err...creative. Actual I was being pesky and difficult, but I did it creatively. I think my dad liked it...I'm not so sure about my mom. If you don't know what a jerboa is, you should go look it up.  :)

So, there's a peak into my writing career. I think I could use all of the above as strong evidence for why I should not pursue writing as a vocation.